Wishing Gap

So as of the 9th of June 2015 I am officially a full-fledged “adult” and on July 3rd this shall be 100% official. To be quite honest, these past few years have gone by so quickly that up to this day it has yet to fully dawn on me that I am finishing another leg in my educational journey. I mean just the other day I was sitting on a bench inside the Convent High School studying for a history test. It doesn’t even feel like more than a year has passed until I sit down and reminisce about the memories gone by. I mean I started my first job back at the end of 2013! Time is a funny thing and sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of it. But looking at where I am today I think I did alright.

However, after college I won’t be going directly to University, instead I’ll be taking a gap year, working and applying. To be honest I have a vague idea of what I want to do, but I have learned that nothing in life is completely solid. Likewise, I’m not certain of where exactly I want to continue my education but it is an ongoing process that I know will see fulfillment. The scariest thing about this all is that I am growing up, way faster that I ever intended to. But to me this just serves as an opportunity to learn more about myself and who and what I want to be in the future. And with pressures from every side of the spectrum this isn’t going to be easy.

I think the thing we most often forget when deciding what we want to do in the future or for our careers is that everything is subject to change, foreseeable or not. While right now I may say that I want to study Marketing or Public relations one day I may turn around and say, “I actually have this deep love for forensic science and if I don’t take advantage of that desire right now I shall live in an eternal bubble of regret.”  Then again I would have said the same thing about three years ago when I ate, slept and breathed Law. My inner Elle Woods is still in apprehension about this. Nonetheless, I am slowly beginning to understand that the world is my oyster, and I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do with it, but I’m going to go on the interpretation that there is a very valuable pearl awaiting inside.

Perhaps the only thing hasn’t changed is my intense love for English and writing. Sadly, for a long time I allowed it to slip away and wasn’t even able to develop a 140 character tweet to say the least. Deep and thoughtful reflection and meditation, by which i mean staying up till 4 am watching kdramas, has caused me to understand that my writing is something that can never go away because it has become such an integral part of who I am as a person. With that sound resolve, I founded an agreement with myself. Write. Whether I have to force myself like I am doing while writing this post or whether it comes naturally like a river reclaiming is banks, I need to write. It is where I am the happiest, the most content and the freest. I cannot forget that. In fact, no one else seems to forget that either because even today people nominate me when it come to writing things and recognize my creative spirit.

It would be wrong of me here to neglect making reference to my spiritual side by not bringing up the parable of the talents. In Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus tells of the parable of the talents, where a master gave his servants some “talents” while he goes away on a trip.

15 To one he gave five talents,[b] to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 16 He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. 17 So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. 18 But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money.

On the master’s return he asked each servant for an accounting of the talents. The first and second put their talents to work and doubled it, much to the pleasing of their master. The third however, who hid the talent given to him, was scolded and punished by his master.

24 He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? 27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. 28 So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. 29 For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that placethere will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

There are so many out there who can sing, dance, act etc. and they use the talents they have; multiplying it.. So much so that many with three different special skills are referred to as triple threats. Bear this in contrast to someone like me whose only known talent is writing. To bury and hide that talent would be deemed ungrateful and may result in eventually losing it? Just because I do not possess as many skills as someone else, doesn’t mean mine isn’t as equally great. It’s all about how I nurture and invest in it.

To get back on track, I have realised that I need to appreciate the little I have and not compare myself to others. That is how I continue to grow, that is how I understand myself.

So between now and next year, the present and the distant future I shall continue learning, filling the gap to the next leg, the next chapter of my life. Better yet, this gap is just a narrow path to an even greater road.

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